T.U.R.T.L.E. Power

Let me start with a caveat... I'm a bit lightheaded, sick, not-quite-there right now. So if this starts to not make any sense feel free to change the channel.

There has been much internet-ing going on about The Bay regarding our good friends, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

The Bay; michael bay...

 ...er wait, maybe this is micahel bay?

Among the outrage I've heard the question pop up a few times about why exactly is it so bad that he is (or was) going to make them from outer space.

Laird weighed in on this recently and his answers are probably more valid than my own, him being the co-creator and all, but I have a few fan things to say about it.

First of all, the Turtles, to me, have a brotherhood that is strengthened by, or perhaps built upon them being the only ones of their kind. Sure there are other mutants, but not exactly like them. You give them a home world and you make them a race, then they become a few of many. Even if you rip off Supe's backstory of their planet being destroyed, there is still a big difference to being the last of a line and the only ones ever. They don't struggle with the fact that they were an accident. They don't have the weight of being the only ones that have been or ever will be.

Then there's the nostalgia. We grew up with the Turtles. They were our friends. Do we really need to keep changing back-story, and rebooting, when we already know and love the origin. Now that we know them can't we just go on more adventures? With each new adventure we will learn more about the Turtles, the more we bond with them. The world expands. Our friendships develop. Everytime you retell it differently we have to reset our emotions, start back at callus zero, we have to reevaluate our family. It also feels like you might be saying what we loved so much was wrong.

And Paramount wants to change the title too. To Ninja Turtles. Hey, we may call it Ninja Turtles, but we don't want it to be called that. That is our pet name for it, because we are so familiar with it. We earned the right to refer to them as Ninja Turtles, or Turtles. We also don't want you to rename The Empire Strikes back simply Empire in case you were wondering.

The punch of the title Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is something that drew us in to begin with. It was so odd, so awesome, we knew all of the ingredients (the teen, the mutant, the ninjitsu, the reptile), but we had never seen them together..  it just (as Laird said) works. Alter it now and it feels false. A comic called TMNT  raises all sorts of questions and images and thoughts. It built a curiosity. And when we read and saw and understood, with that curiosity satisfied, we liked it all the more. The full TMNT title is iconic, silly, epic. Not that you were dumb enough to call it this, but TANT feels manufactured and, well to be honest, is one letter away from taint.

Let me ask you something, Hollywood Big Wigs. Let me speak your speak. You are making it for the fans right? That is why Hollywood makes remakes and reboots and sequels because it already has a fan base, it already has tickets sold purely on what it is. But hey, you screw with what it is and you screw with that fan base, you have less tickets pre-sold, less people in the theatres or lined up at the redbox. You screw with what it is and you make us, the ones who were going to see it based on what it is, not want to see it. You should be happy we are angry. It means we were going to see it in the first place. There is an outrage because we WANT to give you what you want ($). We just want you to give us what we want.

In closing, maybe instead of this long ridiculous rant I should have just said this:

As Yogi Berra might have said, It is wrong to change Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles because it is wrong.

PS  You should totally play Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles & Other Strangeness.